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A post where the comments are starting to get iffy 
30th-Oct-2014 03:01 pm
don't look down

I assume that there are one or more mods monitoring this post, but I wanted to ask about the appropriateness of the comments, which are starting to move from "We accept your situation here are some supportive and gentle suggestions" to "your relationship is unhealthy and you need to change it."

Is a comment like "My take on this is that your mom is, indeed, irrationally controlling and intrusive. You need some separation from her" crossing the line for VP? What about "You are an adult. You need to set some boundaries"?

These comments were exactly what I was thinking, but I wouldn't have written them down because it's not what the OP asked for and "shoulds" are generally discouraged in VP. What do you think?
30th-Oct-2014 10:48 pm (UTC)
To be honest, some of those comments made me uncomfortable. The OP seems to recognise that her mother's views and behaviours are not completely rational and healthy, but she also seems to state pretty clearly that she does understand why her mother is that way and that they have a good relationship otherwise. I don't think it is right for us to decide that her mother is controlling and abusive when it is not what the OP asked for.

I am also extremely uncomfortable about the line: You aren't doing her any favors by letting her continue to treat you this way. If we are assuming that the mother is abusive, then isn't that bordering on victim blaming? It certainly feels that way to me. (http://vaginapagina.livejournal.com/22155101.html?thread=254585949#t254585949)
31st-Oct-2014 02:39 am (UTC)
Hey there,
We agree with the concern about the comments, and have addressed them. Thanks for flagging them up for us.

for the VP Team
30th-Oct-2014 10:53 pm (UTC)
Thanks for bringing this here, eavanmoore! We are indeed watching the post and comments, and evaluating the comment that you are questioning. Please bear with us while we discuss, and know that we'll be back soon.

for the VP Team
31st-Oct-2014 02:38 am (UTC)
Hey again,
Thanks for bearing with us. We have left some safe space reminder comments on that thread. We appreciate your heads up - keep looking out for VP, it is awesome because of its members.

for the VP Team
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