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(( VaginaPagina Public Correspondence ))
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26th-Sep-2014 06:03 pm - What the hell is this comment

Just... what... ugh. "Uncomfortable with criticism?" Since when is slut-shaming simply CRITICISM?
5th-Aug-2014 06:15 pm(no subject)
I just wanted to call this post to attention: http://vaginapagina.livejournal.com/22098796.html#comments There are some big up close vulva pictures showing up on my friends list. People have asked for a picture cut but no response from the OP. Thank you.
16th-Jun-2014 12:01 am - VaginaPagina.com
Hi all!

This is just a quick heads-up to let you know that our main website might be down overnight: we're transferring to new hosting/servers, and it can take a few hours for everything to update.

This is the first step in a serious website revamp: the contacts page doesn't have all our new SSMs, for instance, and we're well aware that our links section is pretty much a dinosaur! Over the next few weeks and months we're expecting to provide a series of posts requesting feedback on new content.

for the VP team
gay communist lumberjack canadian
As we can all tell, LiveJournal has been dying a slow death since things like Facebook and Reddit have become more popular. I held on to my LJ habit because of VaginaPagina.

I have decided that this page is no longer worth it. I received a SSR warning about my use of the phrase "itch like crazy" with the admonition that it might be offensive to those struggling with mental illness.

I believe in avoiding being intentionally offensive. No one should feel like they are being personally attacked.

However, this community has become so obsessed with protecting people's delicate feelings from accidental innocuous insults that it becomes nearly impossible to have authentic discourse. Having to scour one's post looking for possible slights against certain groups is a paranoia-inducing task. It makes it feel like it's not worthwhile to contribute.

So I am done. I liked to think that as a Women's Health RN I could add something of value to this community, but it's obvious that this is no longer a safe place for me to speak my mind.

Without VP, there's no point for me to continue monitoring LiveJournal. So, thank you for helping me cut ties without regret.
10th-Apr-2014 09:44 am - Can't Edit!
Hey! I received an SSR here and, while I am sorry for my wording (I was writing while running out the door, pre-coffee; I just totally wasn't thinking) I do find it weird that SSRs include a request to "please edit your comment". As per LJ's formatting, comments automatically become un-editable once someone has replied, so the request to edit actually in and of itself prevents me from doing so.

Just thought it was worth pointing out. I replied to my original comment with an apology, but that's about all I can do.
Eye in the Pyrawings
...their future spouses will be upset with them for OMG MALE GYNOS?


I wrote a long thing but then deleted it because there is about no way I can answer nicely.

Well, maybe, "Bodies are not spoiled by people touching them." And possibly "The OP was concerned about the probable sensations. Yo, the sensations as I experience them."

But I'm having a stressy day right now and don't trust myself.
25th-Feb-2014 01:29 pm - Censorship?
Hey guys, I'm just a little confused about the rules using some words to post. I will post my answer here to a SSR I received in this post.

Just fixed it.
I do understand to not write crazy for when it is related to people, but about situation isn't it kinda too much of a censorship? Even people who would get offended by the word crazy(including myself, who had been in a abusive relationship) will realize the word was not used towards a person, but a situation.
Just my two cents, but I do see the rules of the community and I fixed the post. And I will be more careful when writing from now on.

Like I said in my answer, I really didn't mean anything, but people can't be that sensitive to a word. Just my opinion. And sorry if this bother anyone, I just wanted to know about it, since I myself get insulted if someone calls me crazy, but I wouldn't get insulted if someone comments about a situation using the same word.
21st-Jan-2014 06:15 pm - public posts
cupcakes: cupcake pretty
Just realised a post I have commented on is public. I don't want to delete my comments, I think they are helpful since I'm in correspondance via them with the poster, and it's helping me too... but I am terrified of the fact anyone can read.
What shall I do?

I suppose I can leave it for maybe a certain period of time and then delete, if there is no other option.

Is that alright? I know it's not ideal...
21st-Oct-2013 08:22 pm - Revised Safer Space Reminders
Hi all!

Following our discussion last week, we've incorporated your last few bits of feedback and we'll be rolling out the new-style SSRs from today. Thank you so much for all of your input and patience with us while we've been working through the process!

As ever, if you've got any questions or concerns please feel encouraged to get in touch with us either here in or by e-mail, on vpteam@vaginapagina.com!

for the VP team
Is there a specific policy about comments stating or implying that female HCPs are preferable to male ones? Or is this covered under more general policy?

I see comments from time to time saying something like "you should see a female OB" that bother me, but then I wonder if I'm too close to the situation as a health care provider myself, who happens to be a female one. I know from both the patient and professional sides that there are great doctors, nurses, therapists and so on of many genders, and there are also abrupt and miserable ones of every gender. I also know that some people have a gender preference when they recieve certain kinds of care, or all kinds of care, and that these preferences should be respected whenever possible.

I would not be bothered by comments and suggestions such as "I prefer to see a female doctor," or "If you feel uncomfortable with a male provider, it's OK to ask for a female when you make the appointment" or questions like, "have you considered if you would rather see a female doctor?"

This was a recent comment that sparked my post, although it's really a bigger question than one comment: http://vaginapagina.livejournal.com/21812372.html

Hello superstars,

following the not-quite-so-recent discussion about SSRs, we've put together a draft rewording of our existing template incorporating your suggestions - thanks so much for them. We are also intending to write a section for the wiki that explains in a little more detail what our aims our in leaving SSRs. For now, we'd love your feedback - in comments, or in the poll at the bottom of this post - specifically on the topic of SSR wording and this draft. If you have other concerns, please as ever feel free to e-mail us! We'll leave discussion open for a week, and then we'll take our next steps based on what you think of what we've done so far, whether that's getting another draft to you for feedback or switching over to using this version. Thanks in advance for your feedback!

For comparison, here is the old version.Collapse )

New version:
I'm writing as a VP maintainer to remind you about this community's safer space policies. By posting in VP, you have already agreed to follow the community rules, so if you haven't read them yet, please follow the provided links below and read them before participating further.

-- What are VP's rules?
-- What is "safe space"? What does "empowerment" mean? What does "accountability" look like?

We understand that mistakes happen -- but your comment [QUOTATION] is hurtful to some of our members. This is because [REASON].

[[[Would you mind editing your post/comment so that it does not include [PROBLEMATIC LANGUAGE HERE] to describe [WHATEVER]? This is because [REASONS] we mentioned above.]]]

We know that VP asks members to be much more aware and conscientious of their language than most other spaces, and we don't think that you meant to break the rules or hurt others with your comment. An SSR is simply a reminder for everyone about VP's safer space policies, and a way to educate all community members about how those policies apply to community interactions.

If you'd like to talk more - for example, if you don't understand why you received an SSR - your thoughts are welcome in contact_vp or privately via email (vpteam@vaginapagina.com). We have frozen this VP thread, so it will not draw attention away from the original post.

Thanks for understanding.

This poll is closed.

What do you think of the new SSR draft?

should be used
should be used with changes (please comment)
should not be used (keep the old version)
I have no opinion
other (please comment)
17th-Sep-2013 11:56 am - Rude Commenter Against Rules?
This comment by celticmoni really rubbed me the wrong way. They were sarcastic, rude, and didn't help the OP at all. I'm not sure which rule this violates, but it definitely doesn't foster safe space.

5th-Sep-2013 10:21 pm - Problematic statement
life on mars
Hi mods, there's some ableist language in this post that's troubling me. Pretty sure OP means nothing by it, but still.

24th-Aug-2013 09:08 pm - A thread that's deteriorating
don't look down
Hi mods,

In case you missed it, a thread that started with a complaint about the currency used by a UK-based online store has turned into something ugly. It starts here: http://vaginapagina.livejournal.com/21752351.html?thread=251784223#t251784223
17th-Aug-2013 02:08 pm - Possible problematic comment?
I found this comment to be a bit upsetting: http://vaginapagina.livejournal.com/21740243.html?thread=251682515#t251682515

I'm not sure if I'm just being a little sensitive, but the whole 'Maybe you just need to let go and try to relax?!' really bothered me because it felt dismissive of the OP's concerns, and also doesn't take into account that some of us can't just 'relax' during exams that might be necessary but also can feel invasive and triggering.
Me as of January 2012


The "do you at least pull out?" comment is the worst - the implied judgment is pretty harsh, there.

I think some of the others are borderline...  but then I'm firmly in the "people take their own risks" category, and I really want people to feel safe asking questions in VP even if they're making decisions I wouldn't make...

4th-Aug-2013 01:26 pm - Inappropriate comment.
See subject... pretty sure this isn't appropriate. The latter statement has exactly zero to do with the post and the former strikes me as less than helpful/very dismissive.

2nd-Aug-2013 08:06 pm - Commenting and Safe Space
Hi VP mods,

ETA:  I won't be commenting or posting anymore on VP.  I can't seem to make anyone understand how terrifying it is for me (and how unsafe it makes me feel) to be called out in public for something.   I've tried to change my language and the words I use to make it reflect a non-hurtful manner over the years that I have been a part of VP... but it seems like every time I post or comment, I get an SSR for something new that I wasn't aware of.  It's simply become too overwhelming and I no longer feel safe to make posts or comments on VP.

Thank you for your time.

Original PostCollapse )

ETA:  Because I'm getting defensive and doing a piss poor job of clarifying things... the point of this post is that safe space warnings issued in a public manner can discourage users from commenting.  In my opinion, when issued in public for others to see, they do not foster a "safe space."  Even though it's not meant to judge and is meant to educate, it can make those of us who receive them feel judged and not safe to make future comments or posts.  I go for months (sometimes years) without making a comment or post for fear of giving offense to someone.  When I do post, or make a comment, I do my best to be cognizant of what others might think if I use certain words... and it feels that more often than not, I still get an SSR/SSW for something in my post that could be taken as an offense... even if the terms were used in a semantically correct or "dictionary" type of way.

I understand the point of being inclusive and promoting a safe space and I understand that certain words, topics, etc. can be triggers for others who have had certain experiences.  However, I feel that SSRs would be better issued in private because when issued publicly, they do make people feel uncomfortable and judged.
21st-Jul-2013 12:32 am - *facepalm*
Eye in the Pyrawings
I am sorry. I totally didn't connect the feline origins with... anything else, having grown up with cats with those markings -- and the current one (who I think is lovely indeed) was attempting to get my attention. *sigh*
16th-Jul-2013 11:39 am - re: consent post
I recently commented on consent and got admonished for doing so. I re read the rules and can find nothing about what not to post regarding consent. You should probably look into adding something clearer.

I also want to say that my comment was not meant to be dismissive. I was referring to a hypothetical situation where a sexual encounter requires a separate contract for each act and each kiss. Sorry if I was not more clear.

[edit]I've also deleted my post, so that no more people will be offended.
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